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053016-Compromise?
aproposProphetiae AP began trolling hermeticMonophobe HM at 01:40 -- AP: So umm... AP: The plan failed. AP: Could have been worse? HM: ∴ It could have. I am sorry that didn't go as well as hoped. On the bright side, if you are still speaking, she has been lenient. AP: Yeah, I guess. AP: Shit though. AP: I'm definitely way worse off than before. HM: ∴ I will see if I can do anything. HM: ∴ Though... last time that did not go well, so... AP: Don't worry about it. AP: Something's gotta change, I hope. HM: ∴ It may. I am going to see what I can find out from the Oracle on how much hope there is left for this session. AP: What do you mean? HM: ∴ I mean that everyone is important to the success of this session. Each time someone is removed from it, we must re-evaluate whether the session is still viable. AP: I don't know I'd call myself 'removed.' AP: I'm only dead. HM: ∴ That's fair. HM: ∴ I'm glad to see you are taking it so well! AP: I mean, hey, I was already dead, right? AP: At least I'm not like, in oblivion. HM: ∴ That's true. Although I think you wouldn't know about it then. I hear that nonexistence is the worst sort of fate. AP: I wouldn't know what that's like, but of course I'd rather not. AP: Question is, what can I even do from here? HM: ∴ Well. AP: You know, aside from stare at myself. HM: ∴ Your actions are clearly limited. HM: ∴ I think it's time to take a more social and tactical role while you can. HM: ∴ Speak with those still mobile and present, form plans, and guide them if you can. HM: ∴ That is all you can do. AP: Hah, I doubt anyone'd give a damn what I've gotta say. HM: ∴ Then perhaps you need to think about what you would do if you got another chance. So that you wouldn't be stuck in a situation where you are dead over a misunderstanding, and where you are not well received by your teammates. What could you have done differently that would have strengthened bonds? AP: Compromise? HM: ∴ In this past life, would you say you were unwavering? Solid in your beliefs so much that nothing could shake you? AP: No. I know I'm stubborn as fuck, but I'm not impossible. I'm not even the most stubborn of this team. HM: ∴ Do you think because you had something more stubborn to compare yourself to, that you overlooked the problem with your own stubborn self/ HM: ∴ ? AP: Again, no. I've been working on myself, trying to grow out of it. It's the more stubborn ones that are holding me back. HM: ∴ I wonder... AP: Trust me. I can't hardly get a word in with my own team. They're all so sure they know me so well. All they see is the worst. HM: ∴ Had you shown them your best? AP: Tried. Kinda hard to do with the aforementioned issues between us. AP: And I know I haven't seen theirs. AP: There's far too much mistrust of me going around. No matter what I do or say. AP: Even when I'm right about things. HM: ∴ Hmm. HM: ∴ Do you know what I am seeing though? AP: You're seeing that I should give it another shot. That I should temper myself; stay in line and be obedient? AP: Perhaps I'm just paranoid and really putting myself out there may be rewarding. HM: ∴ When we talk about this, you believe that everyone should give you the benefit of the doubt, regardless of the situation. I also see that you feel wronged more often than treated the way you think you should be. Typically, Moira and I see this behavior in persons who think they are owed something. Persons who unknowningly endanger their team doing "what is ' right ' " instead of doing "what is n HM: eeded". AP: I feel wronged a lot, yeah. I don't care about the benefit of the doubt. I know I've got flaws and make mistakes, I'm not bent out of shape over forgiveness. I'd just rather a degree of professionalism so I'm not actively fucked with. I'm not owed anything, I believe in earning. HM: ∴ Then what did you do to earn the things you think you should have had? AP: Like what things? HM: ∴ What did you do to earn their ear when you have something to say? AP: That's that professionalism I was talking about. AP: If we're a team we shouldn't be so quick to tune each other out. HM: ∴ So it is owed to you automatically? HM: ∴ You just told me you believed in earning. AP: It's not owed, it's different. HM: ∴ Explain AP: It's like being on the side of a cliff and being demanded to pull yourself up. Their ear would be the equivalent of the inch of space on the edge. AP: It's not a lot, but it's enough for a start towards getting up. HM: ∴ So you're telling me that you need it. AP: If I don't have at least that, it's an impossible task. HM: ∴ But not why it should be given to you. AP: Because if I was granted that, then I could make progress and everyone would be happy. AP: And if not, then I won't bother for their approval. HM: ∴ So you are saying that what you have done in the past is not necessary, and that your potential (which is not guaranteed to bring about success) is the reason that they should listen to you? AP: If I'm an important resource for the session, then I should be utilized. AP: I'll find my place regardless, but best that I don't have to fight my own team for it. HM: ∴ I am simply confused. You say that you believe in earning things, but assume that your position is what will grant you these things, and that you should not have to "fight" your team for it despite that being a way to earn something. AP: No. I'm saying that there's a bare minimum for teamwork. And that without that, there's no point in even calling it a team. I'm an ambitious troll. I'm going to act, sanctioned or not. Just better for everyone if it is. HM: ∴ So you are saying that they must conform to your wishes for the best possible outcome. AP: No. I'm saying that I plan to work my ass off and achieve some goals. And clashing with them won't lead any positive ones. AP: Positive outcomes, that is. HM: ∴ So you don't wish to earn anything from your team, but you are willing to earn things from the game? AP: I would like to earn their trust and respect and all that, but if the door is slammed in my face, I'm not going to stand there knocking. AP: So yes, I'll earn from the game without them if I must. HM: ∴ If simply speaking with your teammates is so difficult that you would give up this soon in the game, I suppose it's good that you died. I don't know how you would have succeeded with your land. It would have been so much more taxing. AP: I've always made things happen for myself and it's pretty evident I did better when I was alone for the most part. It's not as simple as talking to them, at least, not without lying my ass off. HM: ∴ Why is it not that simple? AP: Because it's what I've been doing and it hasn't been too effective. When I speak to them, I speak the truth. I say what I mean and what I feel. And they evidently despise those things. HM: ∴ Is what you're saying and feeling conflicting with that team? AP: Yes. Whatever I think is a good idea is shunned. What I think is a bad idea, they dive right in. HM: ∴ Can I have an example? AP: I argued against Aaisha accepting being put on trial by Antera, and was ignored. I admittedly lost my temper at some point and attacked Antera, Lorrea defended her. On went the trial and the clusterfuck it turned into. HM: ∴ Antera.... HM: ∴ hm. AP: Aaisha, Eribus, and Lorrea all almost died. HM: ∴ What was Aaisha on trial for? AP: Supposedly the ghosts of Alternia were angry that she "conspired to murder the old empress." That's how Alternia's been deciding rulers for millenia. AP: She was even found innocent. "The worst crime of all." HM: ∴ If they were willing to hurt them during the trial.... May I ask what makes you think that they would not murder her for refusing to take part? AP: It was Antera alone. Until Aaisha accepted and the court was summoned. HM: ∴ I don't know much about alternian justice, but from what I read, murder is common among your species. HM: ∴ Do you think Antera was not a threat? AP: Yes, murder is pretty common. Part of what was setting off so many red flags about that trial. AP: When shit hit the fan and the facade fell away, I was going toe to toe with her. AP: Wasn't so tough. AP: It wasn't for long, but we did trade blows. HM: ∴ Do you think you're so powerful that someone who is higher on the blood scale is not to be respected? Your Empress included? AP: It's not about being powerful, it's about earning that power. I've told Aaisha myself, I don't give a damn about the caste system. Respect and status should be earned, not doled out based on blood color. HM: ∴ Who then, of all the players, should be respected most? Who has earned it? AP: That, I don't know that I can answer. I can't speak for the group. HM: ∴ I'm curious. HM: ∴ If you must consult with the others for the consensus of respect HM: ∴ And yet HM: ∴ are upset about your lack of respect when they have shown you that they, the group you would consult, cannot give it to you... HM: ∴ you are* HM: ∴ I don't understand. AP: I don't need to consult with them about who's earned the most, I just wanted to be objective. Since you asked about who of all of us. HM: ∴ you are welcome to give your opinion AP: I'd rather not, sorry. I can speak on who's garnered more of my respect, but the bias of others has been somewhat of an issue for me lately. I'd rather not pass around my own. HM: ∴ Without an answer, I am tempted to think you believe yourself to be the most capable. I don't want this impression of you. AP: I don't want to give that impression. If I must answer, then it would be Serios. HM: ∴ How has he earned your respect? HM: ∴ And yet someone does not give any to you? HM: ∴ somehow* AP: He has his flaws, but he's got the mental fortitude and raw determination. He's of a somewhat strategic mind as far as I know. He's not nearly as closed off to me as the others, I know him to at least try to be fair despite his stubborness matching, if not exceeding, mine. AP: And he has Libby's backing. HM: ∴ Your respect for him is based on how open he is with you? AP: No, but a ruler shouldn't be closed to the voices of their people. HM: ∴ Sometimes, a ruler must make decisions on behalf of their people. Sometimes the people do not know what is good for them. HM: ∴ They all struggle like you do. Your world is gone. This is your first time playing the game. HM: ∴ They are likely afraid of losing more people, and afraid of losing the game. HM: ∴ If they are hesitant to go along with everything that is presented, I would not blame them, personally. HM: ∴ Maybe, in a way, you are coping with these losses by being reckless? At least in comparison. HM: ∴ To them, it might seem reckless. And without compassion, you can't see their plea for safety is in your interest. HM: ∴ And because they are afraid, they cannot understand why you press forward so much. HM: ∴ I think it is up to you to be understanding, since you lack fear. HM: ∴ Again, you are the only thing in this universe that you can control. Only yourself and your actions and words. HM: ∴ You cannot force someone to respect you any more than I can force someone to speak with me. AP: I'm not fearless though, it's fear that's driven my worst decisions. And those put me on the outside of the group, feeling alone. AP: From there, the vulnerability leads to more fear. AP: And I push forward just to reach some safe space. Some sign of progress that the odds aren't insurmountable. HM: ∴ I wish I could convey this in a way that you would accept. HM: ∴ I do think it is important that you maintain your beliefs and your aspirations. Everyone should. HM: ∴ However, it seems that your focus is significantly more individual, rather than for a "greater good" sort of thing. It's a strong feeling that I get. Nyarla is concerned about Nyarla's future, and about how others fit into the future that Nyarla wants. Perhaps Nyarla should listen to the future that others want too? AP: So Nyarla should compromise. HM: ∴ If failing to compromise has kept you from keeping bonds with others, perhaps it is the best? AP: ... AP: If you're sure this'll pay off, then alright. HM: ∴ This is a decision that you must make. Not me. HM: ∴ I am talking you through this so you can come to your own conclusion. HM: ∴ After all, there's no worth in something you don't believe in, right? HM: ∴ If you try twice and then tell yourself "Ah, Meira was wrong." HM: ∴ There's no point. HM: ∴ You're the one who has to want change. AP: I want to change this situation we're in. AP: I want to win this game. AP: I told myself I'd do whatever it takes. AP: Time to do, I guess AP: Thank you for your counsel. I'll meditate on this for a bit. HM: ∴ Be well. AP: You too. -- aproposProphetiae AP gave up trolling hermeticMonophobe HM at 04:43 -- Category:Meira Category:Nyarla